Steroid Bum

Josias Manzanillo pitched for the Pittsburgh Pirates from 2000-2002. Most fans will remember him for his colorful pitching style, and unique actions he displayed before he took the mound. As a relief pitcher, he would run out from the bull pen faster than normal. Then, we he reached the mound, he would turn around, kneel down, say a prayer, and start banging himself in the side of the head with his own hand. He claimed that this kept him in control and pumped him up to face the big league batters. Apparantly, he didn't hit himself hard enough. Because he sucked.

The 6'0', 190 lb ass from the Dominican Republic made his debut with the Red Sox in 1991. He is the 17th of 18 children. In 1997, Manzaníllo suffered a hilarious grueling injury while pitching for the Seattle Mariners. Not wearing a cup, he took a Manny Ramirez line drive to the nuts that led to an operation to remove one of his testicles. Maybe this was part of the reason why he was so bad with the Pirates. In 1999, the New York Mets granted him free agency and the almighty Pirates signed him. In 2000, he was 2-2 with a 3.38 ERA. In 2001, he was 3-2 with a 3.39 ERA. Not too bad right? Right. But 2002 is the reason why this little foreign man in the bum of the day.

In his last year with Pittsburgh, he was 0-0 with a 7.62 ERA. 11 earned runs in 13 innings. What a pitcher. After 13 ridicilous appearances, the Pirates released him in August of that season. Cincinatti decided to give him a shot. He was worse. 9 appearances, 0-2 record, 12.66 ERA. 15 total earned runs (7 came off of home runs) in 10.2 innings! He finished his career in Florida where he went 3-3 with a 6.12 ERA.

Actual story: When I was a little kid, my parents took my brother and I to a Pirates game and we sat very close to the Pirates bullpen. Manzaníllo was standing there and my dad asked him if he would autograph the ball I had. He said "yeah, after the game". After the game was over (we lost), my dad went to give him the ball and a pen. He said, "Sorry, I can't".

What do you mean you can't?


He made about $550,000 per year with the Bucs. Roughly $1,650,000 over three seasons. Using an extensive trigonometric function, I calculated that Josias made $26,190 for every earned run he gave up.

One morning about three years ago, I woke up to watch Sportscenter. This news brought a smile to my face. On December 13, 2007 Manzaníllo was one of many athletes mentioned in the detailed Mitchell Report that listed the ball players that had used performance-enhancing drugs throughout his career. In this report, former major league clubhouse attendant, Kirk Radomski claimed that Manzaníllo was the only player he ever witnessed taking steroids. Ramdomski dealt steroids and HGH to tens if not hundreds of major league baseball players. And the only one he actually saw doing it was this joke. Who takes steroids, has one nut, and still sucks? Oh yeah, thanks for the autograph.