Inconsiderate Bum

Josef Melichar was drafted in the 1997 draft in the 3rd round (71st overall) by the Pittsburgh Penguins. In 1998, as a member of the WHL Tri-City Americans, Einstein decided to drop the gloves with one of the biggest bums to ever put on skates, Mitch Fritz. Here are two reviews of the fight that we found:

• Obviously a big mismatch, not sure why Melichar took on Fritz here. Fritz pounded on Melichar with rights in a quick fight. Linesmen were looking to get in there to save Melichar but Josef fell before they really got involved.
• They drop them at center ice and Fritz makes short work of Melichar and pounds him to the ice with rights.

Melinballs (this is what we'll call him now) was one of the softest, and worst puck handling/moving defenseman the Penguins ever had inserted into their line-up. Look at the picture of him. He doesn't even know what to do with it. He literally looks frightened. And look at this skates. Nice posture. From this early stage in his career, you could see that he attempted to be a tough guy at times, taking on heavyweight fighters and what not. But he wasn't tough, he was a joke.

In 2000, Melinballs makes his Penguin debut. In 18 games, he tallies 2 points and a miserable -15 rating. Good work. In the 2001 season, the team doctors told Melinballs he needed shoulder surgery. Apparently, he had been throwing his arm out in his adult slow pitch softball league.

He returned for a full season in 2003-2004, playing all 82 games. He sniped 3 goals, set up 5, for a total of 8 points. Oh yeah, and he was -17. That year, I got a chance to attend the last home game of the season (which ended up being the last game played before the lockout). I snuck into the players parking lot, and got numerous autographs from great guys like Steve McKenna, Konstantin Koltsov, and Ric Jackman. Melinballs comes walking out.. I follow him to his car and ask him for an autograph, "please Mr. Melichar". He replies, "Sorry, I can't", he responded. Asshole. Go to back to Ceske Budejovice, Czech Republic you cawk blaster.

Turnover City returned to the Pens for some reason in 05-06, and played for us again in 06-07. He literally couldn't handle the puck. If someone passed it to him, it would bounce off of his stick, onto an opposing players, and they would score. Every time. I remember in his last season with us, I was at the home opener game, and he scored a goal. I didn't stand up, because I was angry. The pairing of himself and Rob Scuderi were downright awful, and coined themselves the new name "Scudichar". We had no interest in bringing Dirty Joe back, because Shero told him the team was moving in a new direction - WINNING and GOOD PLAYERS. As we all know, Scuderi ended up doing what Melichar couldn't.

In 2007-2008, he played in the CzEL and SEL leagues. He didn't score one goal the entire time there, playing against drunk Czechoslovakian dad bums.

Last season, Melinballs was rumored to be returning to America and signing with an NHL team. These rumors scared myself as well as my family. Turns out, the joke Carolina Hurricanes signed him to a one-year $1,000,000 contract. Ohhhh myyyy. But after only 15 games with the Canes, they demoted him to the AHL. While there, he scored one goal. Most thought that Melinballs would die away after this year and finally no one would ever have to see him again.

The Tampa Bay Lighting acquired him via trade for Jussi Jokinen. What a joke organization. He played 24 games for them, and accomplished nothing except getting rocked by Milan Lucic

They sent him down again after that embarrassing moment, and he played 1 game for their AHL team, the Norfolk Admirals. After that game (he was a -1 by the way), he stormed into the coaches office and was like, "I hate you guys, I quit! You guys suck at coaching! And no I'm not signing anything!"
He turned back to his hometown České Budějovice and signed with HC České Budějovice. Good. Leave the country.

In his long and grueling tenure with Pittsburgh, he made a total salary of $3,798,363. He was on the ice for 66 opposing goals. This means that for every goal this joke gave up, he MADE $57,550. I have nothing to say.